Barbara Anne
by SamwiseAtHeart
Summary: Bo is bored out of his mind, and finds himself talking to Maudine... Wait, is he really out of his mind, or has Maudine suddenly changed? A silly oneshot solely created for the amusement of the readers.


Hey there everyone and Happy Mother's Day! Just wanted everyone to know that this little bit of insanity came to me when I was half asleep a couple nights ago. I hope you enjoy, and find at least a chuckle in this humor intended oneshot. Reviews are appreciated ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own the Dukes, and there is no harm intended

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**Barbara Anne**

It was a good, warm September day in Hazzard County. The sun was shining, the chickens were squawking, and the local kids were out playing. Jesse Duke was out in the woods making a new batch of his finest, and Luke was out there helping. Daisy was at her friend Sara Beth's house, leaving only one Duke left at the Duke farm. And a Duke sitting home alone was usually a fidgety Duke since they aren't much for being alone and not out doing something.

So it wasn't too surprising when the last Duke, Bo, who was the most restless of the bunch, left the house, unable to sit there any longer. The blonde boy made a turn and headed into the barn and straight to the stall that held the family mule. He grabbed the old milking stool as he passed by it and sat it down just in front of Maudine's stall. Taking a seat Bo looked straight at the tough old mule with a frustrated look on his face.

He said glumly, "Hey there Maudine."

Maudine looked up from her feed trough and met eyes with Bo, blinking a couple times.

"I know what you're thinkin' Maudine… that 'Bo's lost his mind, he's gone crazy an' is talkin' ta his mule.' You'd be right about some o' that. I am goin' crazy, just not the kind of crazy where those guys in white coats have ta come an' take me away." Bo chuckled morosely.

Maudine stepped forward and leaned her head out of her stall, gently nudging the side of Bo's head. Bo sighed and lifted a hand to stroke the gentle mule's head.

"I'm just frustrated Maudine… I just ain't sure how ta do somethin' that I want ta do. The most frustratin' thing is that something like this has never happened afore. I've always been able ta talk, an' sweet talk ta any girl. But something is different about this one. This girl is more than just pretty. She makes my mind reel, an' me rock in my seat just ta get a good look at her in class. She's gorgeous, and amazin' An' ya know what?"

Maudine blinked again and let out a loud puff of air from her nose.

Bo continued to stroke Maudine's head. "I think I love her… I love Barbara Anne. But I haven't even talked ta her before. I just get too dang tongue tied. I know you don't really believe me, because it hasn't happened ta me ever before. But believe me Maudine, it has now. So yeah… that's my predicament,. I just don't know what ta do. There's a dance comin' up and I kinda want ta ask her ta go. Maudine what do you think, should I take a chance and ask her even though I get tongue tied and may make a complete fool of myself?"

Maudine blinked and took a step back from Bo and let off another loud puff of air. Something odd caught Bo's eye as he saw the mule step back. The way Maudine moved wasn't like what a mule should look like... It was different… almost girly… Bo shook his head and looked again, but instead of getting rid of the oddness, something else looked out of place, and was becoming even more different. Maudine was suddenly becoming skinnier and was now standing on two hooves, her upper hooves rapidly changing, flattening, and each becoming separated into five little stubs. Maudine's body was changing color, becoming peachier, and her fur was growing back into her body, and her ears were shrinking and moving to the side of her head which was now looking more and more human. Her nose shrunk back into her head, leaving a cute short and feckled nose that looked somewhat familiar to the Duke boy. The brownish grey of Maudine's fur was now gone, and in its place was long auburn hair on the top of her head. All traces of dark hooves were gone now, replaced by fingers and toes, and the prettiest pale pink color was painted on the nails. Now fully human, the woman who was once Maudine looked up.

There was now nothing muleish about she who was now standing in front of Bo. Fully clothed, she stepped out of the mule's stall and stood right next to Bo, who had been staring, blinking, at the transformation with disbelief in his eyes and jaw wide open. The pretty female took Bo's hand and gently pulled, making him come to his feet.

"Bo, I think you should take that chance…" Her smooth silky voice cooed as she left a kiss on his cheek, and kept her hand firmly entwined with the blonde's limp fingers.

Bo's eyes were still popping, but he had managed to close his mouth. Trying to shake off the shock, but not doing so well, Bo stuttered out "B… Barbara Anne?"

"Yeah silly. Who did you think I was, a mule?"

Bo breathed hard, not trusting himself to answer, but his thoughts were cut short when she spoke again in that smooth and beautiful voice.

"Bo, I would love to go to the dance with you." Barbra Anne smiled and started to lean into the still shell shocked Duke boy.

Bo heard the girl of his dreams say that she would go to the dance with him and then saw her leaning. At the physical movement she made, Bo's natural instincts kicked in, getting rid of the befuddlement. He knew what to do when there was leaning involved. Removing one hand from hers, he gently placed it on the side of her head, caressing her chin with his thumb. He then leaned forward, catching her in the middle.

Barbara Anne's emerald green eyes met Bo's baby blue ones as they came closer and closer together. Tilting his head Bo gently placed his lips upon her two delicate, and beautifully rosy lips in a tentative but definite kiss. He pulled away with a half a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye. With a look from her that told him that it was okay, he leaned back into Barbra Anne and kissed her again, this time a little longer, and a little more firmly.

There was a small sound in the background of the barn door opening, and then suddenly Luke's voice shot through the air sounding surprised, angry, and amused all at the same time.

"Bo! What the heck are you doin' kissing Maudine?"

Bo's eyes opened and he jumped back when instead of seeing the emerald eyes of the girl he was kissing, he saw the dull black eyes and the grayish maw of Maudine the mule. Bo looked over to where Luke was standing, and found his cousin laughing hysterically. A look of pure disgust crossed his features and then...

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"AAUGH!"

Bo jolted awake, his eyes going everywhere in a panic. Once he settled down, he found himself in the barn right next to Maudine's stall on that old milking stool. He figured he must have sat down for a rest during his chores and accidentally fallen asleep.

Bo looked over at Maudine, who was looking back at him with her head cocked in almost a questioning look.

"I don't wanna talk about it." Bo muttered at her and turned his head away from the mule remembering the horrifying dream.

The blonde stood up and stretched out the kinks that had appeared during his snooze and headed off back into the house for a cold glass of lemonade. Bo couldn't shake off the dirty feelings of having kissed Maudine the mule in that dream. That was absolutely sickening… Especially since Maudine was masquerading as Barbra Anne, the girl he still hadn't gotten the nerve up enough to ask her to the dance… '_yet._..' he thought. Maybe the lemonade would help him feel better and that nasty feeling would go away.

In the kitchen, Bo found Luke at the table reading a car magazine with an unreadable expression on his face. …Wait, he wasn't reading the magazine. Bo saw that his dark haired cousin's face was towards the magazine, but his eyes weren't moving. They were staying on one spot, and Luke's breathing wasn't normal either. It was like he was trying to hold in a laugh, and he was clearly not paying attention to the magazine… Bo cleared his throat loudly.

"What's up with you cousin?" Bo asked, grabbing his glass of lemonade and sitting next to Luke.

"Nothin' you'd prob'ly want ta hear." Luke looked away from the magazine and over to his cousin and held in a smile.

"Come on Luke, what is it?"

"You really don't want ta hear it Bo."

"Tell me Luke. Please?" Bo stuck out his lower lip and made his famous Bambi eyes, letting a tear form in his eye to add effect.

"Oh, alright…" Luke rolled his eyes, "…but yer not gonna be happy at me."

Bo folded his arms and looked straight at his cousin, waiting to hear what Luke had to say with a neutral look on his face.

"Well Bo, I was doin' my chores, an' I had ta get somethin' from the barn. I came in an' then I saw somethin' that I wasn't expectin' ta see. See, while I was still outside the barn I heard your voice sayin' a girl's name… 'Barbra Anne…' I think, an' then I heard some kissin' sounds. So I expected that you were up in the hayloft with a female. I thought I'd be quiet an' then get out of there lettin' you have your privacy. I came in, but instead of you up in the hayloft with Barbara Anne, I saw ya… well um…" Luke looked uncomfortable. "…You were… I guess um… There's no easy way of sayin' this, but Bo, but why were you kissin' Maudine?"

Bo's eyes went wide after a minute, as the information clicked. "What?"

"You was kissin' Maudine cousin." Luke bit his lip, determined not to laugh at Bo's sudden facial expression, even though this whole situation was funny.

There was utmost horror on Bo's face. It wasn't just a dream, he had actually KISSED Maudine! Bo shuddered, and then suddenly he felt sick. He grabbed his mouth and bolted outside, retching as soon as he reached the grass.

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"NOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

Bo jolted awake, sitting up straight with his eyes wide open.

Luke turned on the bedside lamp and looked with concern over at his cousin, who was in the other bed looking distraught. "Are you okay Bo?"

Bo took a couple breaths, getting his bearings, and then looked over at Luke. "Yeah Luke…" Bo sighed, still looking occupied with the images in his head. "Just a nightmare within a nightmare." Luke watched as Bo shuddered at the memory of what the dream had contained.

"Wanna talk about it?" Luke asked, concerned for his little cousin.

"No…" Bo said, looking around the room trying to shake the dream off, but not succeeding. Instead, his eyes caught sight of a couple things on the floor which suddenly made him gasp. Bo's eyes had made it to a flyer for the upcoming dance, which was laying over the in-leaf of a farmer's magazine whose page was open. It was on the picture of an auburn haired girl advertising a new brand of horse feed. Right next to the magazine Bo also saw what he had been doing before he had gone to bed. There was an empty glass which had contained lemonade, and then there was also the thing that had triggered this all... a tape player.

Bo saw all those things and then suddenly it all made sense. He shook his head and laughed out loud. Getting a hold of himself Bo looked over at Luke who was watching him carefully and said with a chortle.

"I really gotta stop listenin' to the Beach Boys before I go a sleep."

Luke raised an eyebrow, and smiled his half crooked half smile. Shaking his head with a chuckle, he turned out the light. "Goodnight Bo."

Bo laughed. "'Night Luke."

The End


End file.
